French Mum, humanitarian, restless explorer and doer on sabbatical in Cebu (Philippines): one Attila in each arm, I am exploring the “toddlers safe” corners of the region, while trying to keep some room for Me.
Motherhood has turned me into a sprinkler: I am moved to tears so easily that it’s embarrassing. I Can’t watch a sad movie anymore, let alone the news. I couldn’t even made the first episode of Games of Thrones. I even cried the first time we watched Frozen. Yep. Motherhood does change you.
My Attilas have pierced the big armor I had built to protect myself from painful emotions. A good aid worker can’t be too emotional, or else you burn out too fast. It’s all about Empathy, no Sympathy. Be strong enough to help.
My Mum used to irritate me beyond words when she was telling me “Good you do this job before having children. Everything will be different after“. Why would a couple of kids ever change Me? I was naive enough to think that motherhood would left me as strong as I was before. Sure…
How many times did I tell my Mum that I would raise my children totally differently, and give them much more freedom than I had, let them live their life and never don’t ask too many questions. Sure…
Now I have children on my own, I realize how cool she’s been with me and my brothers. My kids are still toddlers, and I am a far more anxious and scared mother than she’d ever been. I am doing my best to give them space and teach them to be (a very little bit) independent. “Buddhism for mothers” has been on my coffee table for ages. I agree with every line. But the detachment thing does not talk to me at all when it comes to my kids.
I am no longer the centre of my world, I relinquish that to my children. Those guys are my oxygen.
No wonder those lines moved me to tears. They totally echo motherhood to me. I ‘ll be like my mother, and her mother before her, swallowing my fears and always encourage my children, push them, have faith in them. When my daughter will have children on her own, I’ll share those lines with her. By then, she’ll understand.
Till then, cheers to all the Panda Moms out there 🙂
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