Estelea's Blog

French Mum, humanitarian, restless explorer and doer on sabbatical in Cebu (Philippines): one Attila in each arm, I am exploring the “toddlers safe” corners of the region, while trying to keep some room for Me.

Jackie or Marilyn ? (but definitely not Kim!)

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Once upon a time, women were women: feminine, classy, pin up even.. but not vulgar. Once upon a time, our icones were named Marilyn or Jackie… but not definitely not Kim.

I did not read anything about “Da Selfie” until yesterday. But (gross) news travel fast and far, so I could not escape the debate of the infamous Kardashian nude selfie.

My first reaction was “why would I ever care about it?”. A few seconds on the web proved  that I was probably the only one asking myself this question. I was totally amazed by the extend of the polemic. All US TV are on it, the radio, the press, internet is flooded with pictures and billions of comments. If you google “Selfie Kardashian”, you end up in the most vulgar photo gallery.

Mums of 2016, do we really have to take a stance for one of those 2 caricatures?

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Motherhood comes with some obligations and etiquette. There are the things you do when you are single, and the ones you do when you are a Mum. Whether we are ready to assume it or not, we become models. Our children are looking up at us.It is not always easy, I bet we all had those times when we feel we can rock and roll it all like in the prehistoric times B.C. (Before Children). There are times I am feeling that the pressure is so very high and I am freaking our not to be good enough. But I constantly thrive to become who I needed when I was younger. Children are the best imitators. So let’s give them something great to imitate!10325681_463431150517290_7621278589842825885_n

I can see how my kids not only hear everything that I say, but also mimic everything that I do. It’s our responsibility to teach them that there are far better options in life than being a pathetic narcissistic nor an overstressed (and stressful) SAHM ?

Once upon a time the women icons were beautiful. They had different lifestyles but they were aware of their influence.

Marilyn.. the sexy, the ultra feminine, the epicurean who only needed “Champagne and good food to be in heaven and in love“.  Look at Marilyn’s shapes! not the kind of woman who would feel guilty because she missed her yoga class or should have ordered mineral water instead of another Cosmo.

Am I more of a Jackie? ..  At least I am a brunette, and I like to believe I am an intellectual. Plus I love wearing shades, and .. et voila! Did you know that when she was a bit stressed, she would go sailing or fox hunting, and that she could spend countless hours practicing yoga. I would rather make a nice cup of hot tea .. and spill it on the lap of whoever is bugging me. I guess I am a bit too impulsive and direct for the role?..

But I HAVE much more than IG followers, diamonds and bubbles; because I AM more:

Screen Shot 2016-03-15 at 11.46.07.pngI love and I am loved in return. I am free to be myself and I do trust my friends. I am not my status in society. I am not how other people perceive me. Diamonds are not my best friends, but my thoughts, my attitudes and my beliefs are.

I believe that women aren’t beautiful as they look, as they walk or as they talk. They are only beautiful as they love, they care and they share. This is what I want my daughter to know and feel with all her heart.

 

(Still, just make sure you have (at least) a couple of Wonderbra, packaging always matters!).

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26 comments on “Jackie or Marilyn ? (but definitely not Kim!)

  1. anroworld
    March 15, 2016

    Well-done, Estelea! You are so right! Somehow I also don’t like how women currently look like and how everything became vulgar and open. There is no secret anymore, no mystery, too much of everything. And children are like sponges, they absorb everything and too fast! There should be women like you, dear Friend! I vote for you!

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      Hehehe, you re so funny, thanks for your vote 🙂

      I totally agree with your comment, there is too much vulgarity. It is very sad that all those teenagers following the K’ example rely only on “Likes” from total foreigners to believe in themselves. It’s not only narcissic, but also totally fake .
      Too much comparison, too much superficiality, they all want to look like someone else.
      While all we really need to be feeling good is to appreciate and respect who we are.. and we ll attract people like us 🙂

  2. Priceless Joy
    March 15, 2016

    Great post, Estelea! We need to raise our daughters to be strong women and to respect their bodies!

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      Thanks Princess 🙂 And yes, respecting our body is essential, it really shocks me to see all those pic of almost naked girls everywhere on social media. I feel sorry for them, that they have to expose themselves this way to feel “appreciated”. And what will happen the day no one is liking their pic? a bit of nip tuck here or there probably … and a bit more ..

      Better go for the real stuff, learning to love oneself so we dont have this terrible need for appreciation from total strangers.

      • Priceless Joy
        March 16, 2016

        Yes, I believe one day they will “wake up” and realize they have disrespected their bodies by showing it all on social media and will feel very badly over their choice of doing so.

      • estelea
        March 16, 2016

        Hope they will realise before they end up looking like Donatella Versace .. How can you be happy if your happiness only depends on what people think of your looks? A nice compliment will never hurt, but it has to be accessory, not essential.

      • Priceless Joy
        March 16, 2016

        I agree with you Estelea! I do not know who this lady is, but I get your meaning. Sadly, many women think their worth depends on their looks and society has reinforced that. I hope someday that will change.

  3. that traveling nurse
    March 15, 2016

    *here here!* I am glad I don’t have any children as it would be super hard to raise them these days. Kudos to you brave wonder women out there. And yes, I believe in a good push up bra or two. 🙂

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      It is a challenge indeed, last week my daughter asked me if she could wear lipstick like her classmate Abi, because people say she is “sexy” !!! I spitted my coffee through my nostrils 😛
      (and yes to push up, a must have. Especially at my old age) X

  4. justbluedutch
    March 15, 2016

    You totally nail it down Estelea.I couldn’t agree no more.
    Somehow I’m thinking that parenting by example is really easier said than being done. Every parent says they want the best for their child but
    if you look at these examples, they don’t get it that they need to respect themselves first..
    I am so glad I am following a blog with great content like yours,such a worthwhile time spent when I am in your page.

    Thank you for another great read.!

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      Thanks so very much 🙂
      You are so right, parenting by example is definitely easier said than done. I ‘ll never be the perfect mother, and anyway perfection is too boring and stressful, no?
      But I believe it all comes to respecting oneself, and from times to times taking the time to press on pause to ask ourself “is this a good example I am setting for my child”?

      Parenting to me is giving confidence to our children and giving them values. If our kids know they are loved, trusted and encouraged to always do better, why would they desperately need to look for appreciation from total strangers on the web?
      I never understood why people would take so many selfies and post them on IG or FB. Until I read that it is a craving for appreciation. They are begging you to “like” them. How sad to be dependant on strangers to feel “validated”..

      Thanks again for taking the time to comment and your very warm words 🙂 They always mean a lot!

      • justbluedutch
        March 16, 2016

        You are welcome..always!
        Hey,I know your mind is already with the travel bug! I wish you all the best,have a blast in Europe,Go & prepare your things &the Attila’s, i look forward to your adventures.
        I will be in Philippines in May and fly back to Europe after few weeks.It’s only me & my daughter so I’m kinda stressing about how would it go.Those are both long-haul flights,any advices?
        I got immune of the selfie feeds I see in IG/FB, once it gets to my nerves, I just unfollow. I respect the one who does the action but I just don’t get the action itself.Imagine,10 photos for 1 single pose??! It’s their choices so I don’t let it ruin my mood.
        Having a toddler to chase around is enough to burn my energy so no time Hahaha.

        What I value are comments & snaps of people that I knew socially, like for example you, I would never appreciate your Blog if I did’nt find any worthwhile content no matter how you look or present yourself. I guess its all about the character we impose through our words, our writings that draws people to us.
        I’m glad you are in my circle,it comes naturally.

      • estelea
        March 16, 2016

        Oh yeah, I am almost counting the hours till we finally land in Paris.. Am I that super transparent ? 😛

        For the trip? I do books and little surprises. They chose the books and we ll only read them in the plane .. little surprises to break the boring routine of the long flight and when they are too tired to care about letting the neighbours sleep. Your daughter is probably too young for colouring books, but how about the ones with stickers? The cartoons in the plane, of course..And snacks, many snacks (too bad we are not allowed to take fruits, but at least we can take milk).
        And something to drink/chew during take off and landing, my kids’ ears hate those moments. Is it the first time she’ll be flying for such long distance?
        At the end of the day, you ll may have a pleasant surprise. The Attilas slept almost the whole flight last time. They were soooo boring 😛

        PH, Europe .. now we are talking exciting holidays!!! At some stage for sure, we’ll meet in the real life (and I ll make sure we’ll take a selfie 😉

      • justbluedutch
        March 17, 2016

        Absolutely! already looking forward to it.
        This will be her 2nd long trip, first was when she was only 9 months,back then she only cried during take -off. She’s very active so she’s busy roaming around.
        Now its different because she’s more mobile and more agile, a lot more curious,so I dunno where would I get the energy since we’re travelling only the 2 of us.
        I would definitely check out those sticker books & new stuff she could play with.
        Well, for sure I’ll let you know how it goes..Maybe I’ll give you a call once we’re in Ph soon.
        XX

      • estelea
        March 19, 2016

        Sure, do it, with pleasure. Send me an email and I ll reply back with my phone # !
        Oh, and ask if you can get a seat in the middle of the plane, by the emergency doors, you ll have more room 😉 Keep me posted XX

      • estelea
        March 17, 2016

        .. And a few drops of lavender essential oils on her cover or pillow will help her relax and fall asleep easier 😉

      • justbluedutch
        March 17, 2016

        Thanks! I’m gonna sure try this!

      • estelea
        March 19, 2016

        my pleasure 🙂

  5. lexklein
    March 15, 2016

    Oh boy, maybe I’m glad I’m too busy to keep up with the (Kardashians) news! Ugh. You said it well – may our daughters learn from us and not that world.

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      I am so glad to live on a small island, with no TV and a bad internet connection ! Bless those days when Winnie Pooh and Tiger are the heroes of the house.
      Still, it amazes me how news are traveling. My daughter asked me the other day if Donald Trump is really a bad person. No idea where she even heard about him. Maybe at school, from an American classmate who overheard his parents talking about the elections? Children are so connected to the outside world nowadays, I am not sure it really means progress ..
      More challenge for us, but more interesting discussions too 🙂

  6. desleyjane
    March 15, 2016

    Absolutely agree! Fabulous post. Although “certain things you do when you are single”? Um, no, I would never! X

    • estelea
      March 16, 2016

      heheheh, I meant something like drinking a little too much in a party for instance 😉 When you are still single, you can handle the hang over much more better than when a bunch of hyperactive monkeys jump on your bed at 6 😛

      When you are single, you can travel for yourself, by yourself, there is a sense of total freedom that you will never experience again when you have children. You let the winds guide you and that’s perfectly fine not to wash your hair for days, change plans at the last second… Those are very very very old memories 😉 That’s what I meant by the things I could do before that I wont do again. What did you have in mind 😉 ?

      Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your comments. I really need to spend some more time on your blog, and take all the lessons I can on macro. I’ve been playing with my camera but I am still as bad as before (and much more frustrated). Have a lovely day my dear X

      • desleyjane
        March 16, 2016

        LOL I know 😊 I meant “the” selfie! Hahaha. My pleasure and yes, please stop by any time. You’re always very welcome!

  7. Manny
    March 20, 2016

    Lovely article Estelea this was a very interesting read and I agree with everything you said. The only problem is – this is how society is nowadays and it will probably only get worse. I have no problem with mums and nude photos as if Kim had done it tastefully it would’ve looked much better or if it was an implied nude modelling photo it’d be better but she chooses to do it this way because 1. Publicity sells and she needs that to make money, 2. It’s clear that she thinks she is confident about her body posting up a nude selfie but if anything it just shows how insecure she is about her body as she needs the likes and comments to feel good about herself.

    I’m due with a baby girl and I know I can’t shield her from all this stuff but like you said, it’s down to the parenting and I sure will be teaching her that there is more to life than likes on IG and nude selfies.

    • estelea
      March 21, 2016

      Thanks so much for your comments Manny, and to take my post a step further. You are totally right to make a healthy distinction between nude pictures. Some of them can indeed be really artistic and nice, and it would be a shame to condemn all the mothers who have theirs . But as your rightly pointed out, it is the intention that changes : doing it for marketing purposes, not caring about the influence one can have on so many kids. I have no problem with the nudes of Dove for example, they empower women who are proud of their body, this is a different story .. The message is not “Love Me!” but “Love Yourself”.
      Your blog is really great, andI bet that her cute big bro will also help in giving her the confidence she needs to be more than a selfie 😉 Bro are the best, I know what I am talking about 😉 Take good care and looking forward to chatting with you here or there

      • Manny
        March 21, 2016

        You’ve hit the nail on the head.. it’s all down to the intentions behind the photo. I am definitely sure my little boy will keep a good lookout for her while she grows up… He’s already in the caring big-bro mode at the moment, it’s so adorable! 🙂

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This entry was posted on March 15, 2016 by in Me, My 2 cents worth, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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