French Mum, humanitarian, restless explorer and doer on sabbatical in Cebu (Philippines): one Attila in each arm, I am exploring the “toddlers safe” corners of the region, while trying to keep some room for Me.
It’s this time of the year, when your acquaintances are all posting about their successes of 2016, and you can’t help but asking yourself. How about me? Am I the only one who hadn’t achieve anything worth facebookable???
My Linkedin profile doesn’t show any dream position, my IG account still lack this insane picture of me masterizing the one handed tree pose and last but not least, in spite of all the homeschooling, my kids are not entering Harvard next year.
2016 has not been a year of achievements, but one of learning. It is still work in progress, but at least there is no going back and what I’ve learnt was more than an updated profile could say..
Was so much easier said than done! I always end up my yoga classes with “may our day be filled with good thoughts, kind words, love and compassion for ourselves and others“. Do I mean it? Sure. On the moment at least.
There were times I was feeling so insecure I would rather blame it on anyone and anything than facing it. Blame it on the Filipino visa if I can’t have a paid work. Blame it on the pitiful internet network if I can’t connect with my family abroad. Blame it on the hellish traffic if I can’t attend all the yoga classes I want. Blame it on the careless NGO the hubby is working for if I feel like a single Mum most of the time.
Bitching loves company. The moment I would start, people would respond and support. Would I feel better after? Definitely not. I would feel far worse, totally helpless.
So I tried this: promoting what I love instead of bashing what I don’t. And only making positive sentences. I forbad myself from using any negative word first for a couple of hours a day for a month (had to set realistic goals). Then half a day (took me months!). Now it has become a routine. Of course it is perfectable, but if you could see where I am coming from .. Instead of counting the days, I am doing my best to make each day count. It’s a vertous circle. Internet has not improved, I still can’t work here but I don’t care anymore. Replacing anxiety by gratitude really works wonders!
2. Limiting beliefs
I used to believe that yoga was only for acrobats and I had never contemplated enrolling in a Yoga Teacher Training. That was before I had the chance to meet with the best teacher I ever had, who has been teaching me more than she knows. Little by little, I started to trust myself. I discovered that I am more than my degrees or any prestigious job. The journey inward made me realise of all the preconceived ideas I’ve always had about how my life should be and how I should perform. That’s when I understood the meaning of going with the flow, stop resisting change. So I replaced “no way” by “why not?”. It works in yoga, I never thought my body and my mind would become such good friends. It works with the family too, the kids feel more empowered and they love it. It makes my job search more interesting, making me considerate new alleys I had never thought of .. It’s about creating space. When you let go of old limiting beliefs, you allow better things to enter your life.
3. Negative self talk
This one is so hard to get ride of! I used to see only my short comings, and feel so guilty for anything I hadn’t done by the book. Not a good enough Mum, wife, friend, yogi .. Not even able to shut my monkey mind down!
A few weeks ago, I came accross a 2 mn video of Tibetan Buddhist meditation master Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. He diagnosed my frustrations right away with his bright smile:”Push too much!“. I was so into reaching perfection that I had missed the basics: simply be aware of the mind. Breath in, breath out. It is not about trying as hard as you can. It’s about being mindful.
In our occidental cultures, we are formatted to think with our head only. To set drastic goals instead of intentions. I am working on changing that pattern, by leaving some room to my heart and intuitions, and being more gentle with myself too.
Maybe 2016 journey was not so much about becoming anything but unbecoming everything that was not really me. It’s been a challenging yet rewarding ride. 2017, I am ready for growing all what inspires me. I made room, let’s make it happen 🙂
(In response to Word press Daily Post on Interior)
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